Who knew?

Lahd god yall,

I’ve gone from multiple men with the same name and flirting with random dudes to zip, zilch, zero!

Mr. New York…smh…we had brunch on Sunday and the man does not know how to use a knife and fork. It was embarrassing watching him try to cut the pancakes with his big dopey hands.

No, that’s not why I deaded him. I’m just not attracted to him. He’s doofy and so damn simple and not very dashing at all.

Mr. Coy. Mr. COY just sucks ass. We had plans and he pulled one of the moves my ex did more than once. I’m not going into details but I sent him a very long message. Yes, I said sent a message and not that I spoke to him. I am tired of speaking. I done used up all my speaking ability with men.

Troy…yeah yall remember him. Well this dude done sent me a picture of something that I have no business seeing nor did I ask to see–OUT of NOWHERE! Ewwwwwww disgusting!

Ugh, they all just got on my nerves this weekend. I have 2 more stories but who cares.

Anywho, Venus is in retrograde which for all you novices means that we must take the time to review the people in our lives…what are they bringing to the table, are they bringing anything or just taking? Venus will be in retrograde until November 18th…and thusfar I have decided that all my men friends ain’t bringing a damn thing.

They all frustrated me so much I began to miss the schizophrenic which is my ex. Oh I can hear Dezi now. But, boo I don’t miss him enough to regret ANYTHING. Because just as quickly as I missed him I realized what I do not miss!

Sidebar: Kind of: I’ve realized that we (ppl) tend to be attracted to the same dysfunction that made us dysfunctional. So, like all the men I like and am attracted to remind me a lot of my dysfunctional ass father. Oh boy…I don’t even want to go there. So back to our regularly scheduled programming

I say all of this to share with you some sad news…I will be going on a dating hiatus, a fast, a break. I’m done with them (them being men) until 2011. I need to take a short 2.5 month break from this trauma. And though you guys tell me privately how much you enjoy reading about my escapades in dating I’m sorry you will have to read (or ignore) the other mundaneness (I made that word up) of my life.

Uhh, at this point I would end with Khalilah Loves…but right now Khalilah is ANNOYED and I ain’t loving much of anything.

Peace homies!

Full disclaimer: I just ate an entire container of Haagen Daaz Dulce de Leche Ice Cream for dinner. Forgive me father for I have binged.

But, wait before you judge me, it is that wonderful time of month and everything aches; my head, my back, my arms and I feel so tired and irritable and annoyed. But, enough with the moaning and groaning.

So, anyway I went out with Mr. New York last night. We went for a quick and early dinner at Cafe Shane.

Let me tell you, Mr. NY is a sweet guy. He’s polite and considerate and soft spoken…an over all sweet guy. Ugh, but he was so nervous. His palms were sweaty, he was stuttering, when he was paying the bill his hands were trembling. He must have said he was nervous a thousand times.

Ugh, come on son. What the hell?

And the funny thing is our conversation was great. I felt like I was in a Jill Scott video we just talked about revolution, religion, relationships, education I mean it was a mental orgasm; one topic after another.

But , all his nervous energy just made him so unattractive and he’s a cute guy. And anyone who knows me knows I’m attracted to intelligence and conversation. But this dinner was so awkward, I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

He walked me to the car and I think he was trying to kiss me; nervously and I just gave him all cheek and pivoted to the door.

When I drove away and watched him, watching me…I felt so bad. Because I know he was over thinking it.

I wanted to like him. I want to like him. No, I LIKE him. I DO.

It is smart to like him. It is safe to like him. Out of the men I am dating he is probably the best one to like. He’s secure, he’s dependable, predictable, reliable…(sigh) all the things I say I want.

I’m not giving up yet. He might become more relaxed, more calm, more cool, more collected, more attractive the more we get to know each other. But, good Lord I gotta change his name from Mr. New York to Mr. Idaho, Wisconsin, Kentucky.

Why am I trying to force it you might be asking?

Because gregarious and intense Mr. Coy and smooth and cool Troy are just present day versions of men I’ve already dated; wonderfully, exciting, charming, sexy, and mysterious.

Yall know that’s all code for unreliable, unpredictable, and misleading LOL

Sigh, I don’t know all of this may just be the ice cream and cramps talking.

Anyway, nice guys and girls shouldn’t finish last!

khalilah loves,

Live life yall!

Hey family,

Remember a few blogs back when I told you I stood up my Haitian bredgren because the accent was just too much for me. And I recall stating that the dating gods would punish me for doing that.

Well, my punishments have begun…

Punishment #1:

So I had met this guy at the DMV on my birthday. He just happened to have the same name of my ex (strike one), the same zodiac sign (strike 2) and the same cultural background (strike 3). So everything in me said to not give him my number. But he was funny and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I gave it to him. We went out on a date it was cool. A few days later he went to visit his sick mother in North Carolina. Well, the man returned earlier this week called me at 11pm and proceeded to tell me he was moving to North Carolina to take care of his sick mother.

I say oh ok. I respect that. Good Luck to you. Then he tells me THROUGH TEARS. Yes, I said TEARS that he hates choosing between me and his momma (WTH?) but his mother comes first (The man is 37 years old) he continues to say it would be wrong of him to ask me to wait for his return (by this time I’m looking at the phone like confused as hell).

Then he begins to sob. I mean SOB over the phone. So, I try to comfort him. I say, it’s ok. I understand. I would do the same for my mom. I’m talking him back from a full-out gut cry to a soft sob and then the man says in between deep heaves of breath I knew you were the woman for me, I’m so glad you’re going to wait for me. I don’t know when I’ll be back but many people have made long distance relationships work.

I hung up the phone and then powered it off.

Punishment #2:

So, I had canceled one of my dates to go on a date with Mr. Coy instead. (But I called I didn’t stand him up.) But homeboy was still trying to see me. DURING Labor Day Weekend. I informed him hat I had a jammed pack weekend but maybe we could meet for dinner on Tuesday. The man, texted me everyday…it went something like this:

Friday:

HB: Hey sis, do you think it’s possible for me to see you for 15 minutes today?

Me: I’m sorry but I have class and then I’m going out with my friends. Let’s set a time for Tuesday.

HB: Ok. Have a great time.

You noticed he didn’t set a time right? Ok!

Saturday:

HB: Hey sis, do you think it’s possible for me to see you for 15 minutes today?

Me: I’m sorry but I have class and then I’m going out with my friends. Let’s set a time for Tuesday.

HB: Ok, enjoy your class.

You’ve noticed he still hasn’t set a time right! lol.

Sunday:

HB: Hey sis, do you think it’s possible for me to see you for 15 minutes today?

Me: I’m sorry but I am hanging with my family and then I’m going out with my friends later. I thought we were setting a time for Tuesday?

HB: Yeah, your right true. Have a great time. See you Tuesday.

This is beginning to be redundant. But you see there’s no time set yet, right!

Monday:

HB: Hey sis, I’m on the parkway. Are you? Do you think it’s possible for me to see you for 15 minutes today?

Me: I’m sorry but I’m hanging with friends and I doubt we’ll be able to find each other on the parkway. Let’s just have dinner Tuesday evening at Fisheye around 8pm. Is that good for you?

HB: Ok. That sounds great. Enjoy your palancing.

Tuesday Morning:

HB: I feel like you have been ignoring and avoiding me. I would never be with a woman who couldn’t find time to spend with her man!

Me: Huh? Didn’t I tell you on Thursday that I wouldn’t be free until Tuesday. What are you talking about?

HB: Well can I see you for 15 minutes now, before we have our big date later tonight?

Me: Why?I can’t anyway. I’m at work.

HB: Because I miss you and need to see you as soon as possible. It can be the date before the date!

I didn’t return that text. Then he called me 4 times in a row. I turned off my phone for the rest of the night.

Punishment #3:

I write my blog titled too soon. (If you haven’ read it yet. Go find it.) It briefly talks about my apprehension with dating so soon after my break up. I go to sleep and around 3am my phone rings. I think it’s Mr. Coy but noooooooooo. It’s my ex. Let’s call him; Trailblazer. Trailblazer says hello Khalilah and then proceeds to read the blog….to me…..my blog…..from that day….to me……

I’m paralyzed because I know what I wrote. I tell him you don’t need to read it to me. I know what it says. I wrote it. He then goes on to talk to me like we’re not broken up. Then he flips it on me and asks me about Mr. Coy and informs me that he has been reading my blog ever since we broke up. (BLANK STARE!!!!!)

The conversation ended with him asking me if he could take me out to breakfast one day (saying he chose breakfast because he knew dinner might be pushing it).

All, I want to know at this point is how many hail Mary’s do I have to make, what kind of burnt offerings do I need to give to the dating gods, Do I need to start tithing 15%, 20%, 25%?

What do I have to do for the dating gods to ease and seckle?

(Sigh)

Live life yall,

KB

Oh and if you’re wondering Mr. Coy is just as sweet and nice as he has been since day one. However he has been working double’s and overtime hours all week! But, as yall know I am water and he is a fish. We go hand in hand!

Hey Yall,

I am so tired. Today was my first day back at work and as usual I couldn’t sleep last night. So at 3am I was tossing and turning. And no, it wasn’t out of excitement. It was probably more so out of fear. Fear of waking up late and then being late. I know it makes no sense.

Anyway, I was talking to my big sister today, telling her about my day and Mr. Coy of course and relaying something sweet he had done for me and I wondered when is soon too soon?

Now get yall minds out of the gutter. I’m not talking sex nor am I talking love. I’m just talking regular sweet things.

Let me give you a lil back story. When I met Mr. Coy he told me he doesn’t date people who are freshly out of relationships. (Uh, like me) He likes for a person to be  6 months to a year out of something.

The man told me that, then asked me how long have I been single. Now, if that ain’t a set up. I don’t know what is. And yall know I pride myself on being truthful and having open and honest communication.

Technically, I ended it with my former beau 2 months ago BUT the relationship should have ended 8 months ago. To me that’s simple math, 8+2 =10 months. Round that up and I could have said I’ve been single for a year. But, I chose the more conservative route of ten months.  Yes, I said it with a straight face. (Don’t judge me!)

And at the time I thought he was being ridiculous with the 6 month minimum clause.

Sigh…but at last I’m realizing 6 months may be a good threshold. It gives you enough time to really be over the last person, to not be compelled to compare one to the next, and to find your single girl groove and comfort zone.

I mean, I know I asked for the kiss but now I’m wondering if it was too soon for the kiss. (I bet yall still wondering which scenario he was. I’m still not telling…hehe) Then I got a foot rub (Oh I forgot to tell yall about that one. Oh well) And I get my good morning greetings that are so very sweet and make me grin from ear to ear. And as I stated earlier I’m beginning to wonder when is soon too soon?

Is there such a thing? Is it too soon for me to be dating? Is it too soon for holding hands, for questions like, where do you see yourself in 5, 10 and 15 years?

Ugh, I’m thinking too much…huh?

Well, I’m going to finish preparing dinner, while continuing to contemplate the soon-ness of all of this.

Live Life Yall,

KB