Who knew?

So this is an open letter to my ex and all those who still root for him (Demi Dabby that means YOU!)

Last night while I was out walking Bella with my homie Bia when my ex called. I won’t lie, as always hearing his voice was wonderful.

We spoke for about an hour and a half and just like our relationship the conversation went on way TOO LONG!

As I was driving to get my hair done this morning I realized how similar last night’s conversation was to our relationship.

In the beginning I was excited by our chemistry, flattered by his attention to detail, enamored with his intelligence, then I became concerned with his thought process, annoyed by his inability to be reflective, disturbed  by his lack of communication skills. (When he needed to talk about what he was feeling. Shoot, IF he was feeling anything!) I became confused by his actions, angered by his immaturity, disgusted with myself for putting up with such Idiocy and INFURIATED by his very existence and his pollution of my happiness.

Yep, that was last nights conversation and the entire extent of our relationship.

I mean, it never fails that I started off laughing and blushing when we first begin to speak and end up crying by the end of it.

So, why do I put myself through this?

I miss him at times. I miss the texture of his voice, his laughter, his attention to detail, his compliments. I miss his confidence though misplaced at times.

Secondly, so many people; women ONLY have questioned why I “can’t” be friends with my exes. They say I’m immature by just cutting the ex off, that I never loved them. And, me trying to be reflective along with the fact that I felt so relieved after this relationship ended and really feeling at one time that he was my best friend. I was thinking maybe we could be friends. The type of friends who speak maybe once a month to laugh and reminisce.

Thirdly, I’m a masochist. Yep, I like to hurt myself, play myself, make myself vulnerable to those people who will hurt me the most. SELFISH Mofo’s!

But, I’m DONE yall. I realized by the end of our conversation in the wee hours of the morning. That I DO NOT miss feeling stupid, embarrassed, unheard, frustrated, confused, annoyed, INFURIATED. I don’t miss that s*it.

I have three words to say to those of you who think I should be friends with him; Get over it! If kicking crappy exes…all exes out of my life so that I may retain my sanity is immature. Call me a kid for life.

And finally, I’m starting a 12 step program to get over my masochism. 1st step; Mr. Coy. 2nd step Troy. 3rd step Mr. New York! Lmao, I’m joking.

1st step to rid myself of cancerous people, ideas, feelings, and thoughts. More about that another time.

Last night I said to my ex that, “In relationships men do what’s in their best interest and women do what’s in men’s best interest. So, when the hell does anyone do what’s in the woman’s best interest?” Oh right away the ex was like, “That’s not true. AT ALL.”

I didn’t even argue with him. I just sighed and listened to his reasoning.

So ex of mine I have a challenge for you.

Last night you told me you know how good of a woman I am, you said you missed me, and you care about me. Prove it by doing what’s in the best interest for this woman. I told you last night not to call me for 52 weeks. Do me one better. Don’t call me ever, don’t drive by my house, if you see me walking down the street cross over and walk in the opposite direction. If you really mean what you say about doing what’s best for me, disappear!

Too harsh?

Babe, it is NOT coming from an angry place. It’s coming from a very calm, thought out and loving place. I will always love you. I will always think about the time we spent fondly. I will never talk badly about you. But I want to leave you where you belong.

In my past!

After we got off the phone last night I went to google and searched how to block phone numbers and I have blocked your number, private calls and unknown calls. I have officially deleted everything I was holding on to and removed every thing that reminds me of you.

But, even with doing all of that, I know that if you call I will pick up the phone because I am only on step 1 of the 12 step program. So why don’t you be the mature, loving self LESS one FOR ONCE and do this for me.

So there it is. That’s my open letter to my ex and all those who root for him (That means you Demi Dabby…lol) Why don’t we all move on.

One more thing pudding; I was flattered by your compliments about my writing style and wit on this blog. I hope you know your opinion is highly regarded. By, just a small food for thought. Maybe you should stop reading the blog. Maybe you should rely only on your memories of us and not add anything new into the mix.

For the rest of my readers. I’m sorry I had to bore you with this open letter…I can’t even say that with a straight face. Yall feigns are probably enthralled with every word. I expect to hear from T in DC, Nafe in Mass, Z in Harlem and big sis 2 seconds after I hit send. Lol. And to Dezi, he doesn’t have feelings so this won’t hurt. Trust me!

I feel good yall. I hope you do too.

Live life yall,

KB…you know what that’s his initials also. I used to have on my phone the words: KB loves KB. And now every time I write my OWN initials I think of him. Ain’t that crazy?

Anyway, I think from now on I’ll sign off with my new favorite play on my name;

Life live yall,

Khalilah Loves!

Deuces!

This entry was posted on September 26, 2010 at 9:49 am and is filed under Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.